by Lorraine LunaThe mentorship examined my creative process, and the resulting artwork. Focusing on
ancestoral stories, cultural ritual and family practices as the inspiration for my art
making.
In our first meeting, Kimmy suggested using the art that I had created (which honors my
grandmother and my father’s family) to understand them as the keepers of our familial
ancestoral wisdom. My assignment was to “hold a question”, or, with a clear mind
meditate for 20 minutes on my artwork; and to be conscious of what experience(s)
presented itself.
I meditated on the shrine of my maternal grandmother. Images and stories about my
mother as a young girl came to mind. Saddness came up around the health of my
mother. She was taken out of school (at age 15) and sent to the sanitorium at Wiemar
California, for treatment of tuberculosis. My mother spent the remainder of her teenage
years at the sanitorium. My grandmother was protective of my mother and I can only
imagine the loss both my grandmother and mother felt during those long years. That is
what I wrote about my mediation for the next meeting.
What happened after that took the mentorship into another direction. My parents are
elderly, and I have been taking care of them. I have been visiting them several times
every week for over a year. I care for them by grocery shopping, taking them to medical
appointments and making improvements to their home. That has been met with some
resistance by both of my parents. I was exhausted a lot of the time; and sitting in
meditation was my regular practice.
My next assignment was to take five minutes a day and sit in silence. That proved
difficult, but I managed to squeeze that practice in. The difficult part was to write down
what I noticed during that 5 minutes. My mind of course was racing and I thought that I
should write down everything that was coming to mind. I kept opening my eyes to write
the mundane thoughts that came across my mind and then I stopped!
My four year old nephew came to stay with me for a weekend. My studio is his
bedroom so I put my things away to make room for his toys. He found a box of ceramic
test tiles that were glazed in a variety of colors and textures. He wanted to play with
about six that he liked the best. We talked about their colors and textures, how they
were similar and how they were different from each other. There was one tile, in
particular, that he liked the best. It was a tile with two hearts next to each other. He
explained to me that the red heart was him, cause red is his favortie color and the
purple one was his mom’s; because his mom likes the color purple. He asked me if I
could make some tiles like these “just for [him]?” I was excited that he was interested in
the tiles and that we had a connection through my art! He then asked,” is this heart tile
you and Benhameen”? I was so surprised that my four year old nephew could make the
leap in relationship from his mother and the feelings he understands about their
relationship to me and my husband!!
The mentorship then became about the energy (that I thought was gone forever) around
creativity and the joy of creating. I had not felt that energy for creating in many years. I
have made art and completed assignments for classes, but to begin something for the
sheer joy of it has not happened in many years.
The next discussion was about what shifts had occurred that allowed this creative
energy to flow, and how it has continued. I created boundries with my parents and took
back myself; this showed up in my art pieces of ceramic tiles for my nephew.
Focusing on the request of my nephew allowed me to refocus my attention away from
my parents condition, and my ancestors experience to my self and the future. I felt
hopeful and energized! During that time I returned to my practice of writing in my
journal regularly. I downloaded hundreds of pictures from my camera from the last year
and printed some favorites out!! I was on fire! Finally, I was expressing myself after
cutting that part of myself off to take care of everyone else’s needs. I am still finding a
balance that feels comfortable to me and it gives me hope that the creative fire is still in
in me and I feel hopeful about my future.
